Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Here's my modified response
"Well, I sympathize with you but I do have an issue with open relationships as it makes me wonder what's going on with your relationship that you or him don't wish to commit? What does that say about how important your mate is to you, if you won't commit? I find alot of people who don't commit, especially promiscuous ones, actually would like a committed relationship but they suffer from some mental link that stops it from happening as they run from signs of commitment, having a fear of real intimacy (not sex, I mean emotional/spiritual intimacy) or link pain to relationships such as fear of rejection and this leads to behaviors such as "getting out before they can be rejected" or "rejecting first" or "not letting someone get close enough to reject you" when the reality of the matter is, while rejections can occur, much of the time if they just let themselves be open to getting close and having a committed relationship, it would happen eventually and they would be most happy. Unfortunately however, I have met and known alot of people, especially gay men, who never have that happen because their promiscuous, self destructive behavior prevents it, including an old gay man I met recently, and as this behavior goes on, and they age, they more and more don't see commitment and love happening and they start losing hope and eventually give up and self-destruct out of despair. It's tragic, considering they met alot of men/women who would have been wonderful, loyal life partners if they hadn't fallen into their routine of flirt, sex, then reject. And worse they damage those partners they reject, if they simply talked, hugged and allowed the potential for true intimacy and a real relationship to happen it would have without someone eventually - God willing. So from a perspective as Christian and a gay man I have problems with open relationships (I have far less problem with a committed group such as many Old Testament men did, tho this is not God's true intent for us I think), and as a gay man it's worse than with straight folk as when gay men are so fearful of and hung up about being rejected, they choose to be closeted, which makes meeting other gay men, restricted to hidden, dark, desperate places and attempts where the chances of a true relationship are slim. This happens with heterosexuals as well but usually not to the same degree. If they were in the open, honest and believe that what they are doing is right, then by being open in normal circumstances and everywhere and not allowing themselves be imprisoned by fear of rejection, they improve their odds of meaning people and under normal social conditions where a real conversation and relationship develops instead of a sexual fling. So please understand, I do not hate the person who behaves in such fearful and promiscuous ways but I do have to stand up against that behavior and condemn it as it's destructive to all of us. People get hurt by someone who is promiscuous and rejects his/her partners emotionally/spiritually and this tends to make those hurt turn to the same behavior out of their newfound pain and fear of more rejections and in a vicious cycle goes on thats hurt other people and converts more who don't know a better way to these harmful behaviors.
The best way to find and KEEP Mr. or Mrs. Right is to be open, loving and considerate, not desperate, fearful and furtive.
Now, in my case I'm completely open and what others think doesn't bother me, as just like how people may criticize a Christian, a Christian should consider the criticism but not be bothered by it if he knows what he is doing is righteous and continuous examination confirms that. Similarly I have utter confidence and faith in God and under continuous examination of if I am doing love and serving God I can live my conservative Gay lifestyle with confidence in His righteousness and the righteousness of living for Him. As in Romans 14 and Romans 15, various Christians may believe strongly that some things are wrong and some are right, so long as we are living for Him and doing love, we need not fear. We must be right in our own conscience and live openly and for Him. But if our conscience is in doubt we must clarify it, for doing something you feel is wrong is wrong as the intent was no longer pure and honoring God. But we should be humble enough to be open to new information and correcting ourselves and being corrected if it becomes clear that one has gone or believed wrong. Love is constantly considerate and that means reevaluating with faith and love when new information challenges us.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Don't Christians and others who believe in God believe God created everything? That includes the rules of the universe. And if that is the case then studying the universe as science is about cannot possibly contradict God, only some of our interpretations and human pride can, and whatever science has proven is fact. This is why science has not and cannot disprove of the existence of God, only those who want to apply their own beliefs to the scientific facts can belief or disbelieve in God (science has not proved the existence of God either).
I as a Christian do not fear science but embrace it as Albert Einstein did God. They are not exclusive.
But what about the Genesis story then!? Some people might ask. Good question, the answer is we don't know the full truth but the laws of the universe/science cannot be wrong and neither is the Bible. I have a theory however that violates neither and a Christian scientist could do even better such as those of the Vatican; God created the universe and everything it as Genesis 1 says "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." but how? With the laws of the created, the big bang and from there the universe, all galaxies, stars and planets formed over a period of time that was equivalent to one day to God or one period of time as God defined it (note a day is not 24hrs on Jupiter, Saturn, Mercury etc. why should it be for Heaven or God?). From there as the earth formed and eventually gained an atmosphere over this long period of time called the 2nd day as Bible says "Genesis 1:6 And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water."". Genesis 1:6-8 proves Genesis is a metaphor for we do not call the sky and space a water and it is not water; "7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.". And so on God continued the creation of everything via the laws He created, the laws of science.
Please note now that BEFORE God created Adam and Eve in Genesis 2, He said and did this in
26 Then God said, "Let us make man in OUR image, in OUR likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, [b] and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
Christians, believe in Christ and do not be of such little faith that you feel science is a threat, some people who apply twisted meanings to science yes, but not science, and pray for those and help those who have so much anger they attack you, do not attack or condemn them back for that is not love.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Something to ponder;
If a suicide bomber came rushing up your driveway about to blow up your family and friends and you had a gun, what would you do?
Love guides me to shoot and stop the man to save my family and friends and self, probably lethal force probably being the only way to stop him. But answer this question: Do the ends (saving your family) justify the means (killing another human about to kill them) or the means (not killing anyone) justify the ends (your family and yourself dying)?
A man threatens to kill you and your family and friends, you have a gun, what would you do?
Love guides me to tell the police/courts and have them restrain him. I would not go and kill him. I feel that would be murder and wrong.
But answer this question: Do the ends (saving your family) justify the means (killing another human) or the means (not killing anyone) justify the ends? (perhaps your family and yourself dying) ...... Or perhaps are both important?
I recommend anyone who has issue with the idea that because God loves us He allows pain and suffering to teach us, save us, for greatest good, to answer the above questions. Everyone I'm interested in hearing all your perspectives and opinions.
Love and God Bless.
P.s: On a happier topic, check The Purpose Driven Life, an excellent book, bestseller that has profoundly affected many people, saving lives, read by a woman (Ashley Smith) about to be killed to her captor, who killed many people, and changing his heart.
Read about it below;
The Purpose Driven Life
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Theory: Each of us are genetically born with the code for either gay, straight and bisexual orientation or all in the same way you can be born with genes for black and blond hair (Bb), only black (BB) or only blond (bb) or even a co-dominant. What is expressed depends on the dominance of the genes involved and just like any other genes (e.g. genetic diseases) having it there in your code does not necessarily mean the gene activates and it has been found genes can even be switched on and off by unknown enviromental factors, however scientists have not found a reliable mechanism to do so to my knowledge.
Also, more importantly, if you're expressing both gay and straight orientations and are bisexual then you could very well choose to act on only one and not the other and consider it choice, however that does not mean that someone with only gay genes (or only gay genes expressed) could make themselves attracted to the other sex any more than they could tell their body to grow blond hair instead of black. Same with truly straight folk. If you're straight can you make yourself attracted to the same sex or even an opposite sex person you don't find attractive? (But the latter is by far easier I imagine)
Consider also the fact that identical twins where one is gay the other can be straight, seems to say it's enviromental mainly no? However consider now the fact that between twins if one is gay then roughly 52% chance the other is gay, but between non-identical siblings the chance is roughly 22%, and between unrelated individuals 11% chance.
That would highly suggest something genetic is definitely involved as well as something enviromental that is not related to family upbringing (the enviroment would seem near identical especially in the case of identical twins).
And that where I'm at currently in terms of understanding science and the facts and I encourage others who have more technical knowledge to share with us.
As for why I am eager to humbly but confidently face things that would seem to contradict things I have stated:
None of us can claim a perfect and full understanding of God or science (that would be arrogance) so we have to always be ready to be corrected and update our understanding but we have to work with what we have. We just SHOULD remember that science cannot really contradict God, being by definition of what God is - creator of everything including science, although certain scientific facts and discoveries can seem just like certain bad events in life in the sense that they may seem to deny God's existence on the surface. Delve deeper and open your mind to the possibilities and you'll be overjoyed at the beauty of God's work and scientific rules for this universe - much like Albert Einstein was.
Those who try to use science to deny God are simply pushing they're own beliefs (and in a sense religion). Science currently cannot conclusively prove or deny the existence of God and I am not claiming that to be evidence that God exists, but assuming he does I think God purposely intends that inconclusiveness by empirical evidence and thus making the choice to have faith up to us. He's given us freedom of choice and didn't make us machines, would it make sense for Him to force belief? It is more good to be forced to be good or choose to be good? Is it not more a sign of love for someone you give freedom to to still choose you or for you to force them to be with you?
We all are free to have a belief either way, but be aware that those who try to spread atheism, mock belief in God, promote the denial of God and seek to ban all forms of expression of belief in God including prayer, art and symbols are falsely claiming their motivation is scientific. It is another religious belief, the faith in the non-existence of God.
I have no problem with scientists or anyone having a belief either way, what I do have a problem with is people who try take away freedom of belief (especially when science itself cannot make a conclusion about God), mock, ridicule, and hate others who believe differently from them or because they are different from them. That applies to Atheist, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Homosexuals, Heterosexuals - anyone who does this, for it is HATE.
Citation (or links to citations):
Rate of homosexuality between identical twins, non-identical siblings, non-related individuals.
(my original source was from a university book but this will have to do)
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Also here are stories of other gay and disabled men and women;
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thanks for staying with my blog, I really appreciate your readership and comments, especially those whom have being helped greatly by this.
Sometimes we may feel vindictive, to hurt back, maybe even feel to kill, someone because they did you something, because you're angry at them, or for some personal gain, or because they did others you know something. But is this right? Is this love?
This is wrong, it is not love to seek revenge, even if they did you something... however, it also would not be love to allow yourself or others to be hurt or abused whether physically, mentally or emotionally and to let injustice happen. It is fine to not tolerate that abuse by stating so and protecting yourself via leaving or stopping your aggressor. But you should be focused on stopping the attack and preventing attacks in the future, seeking truly fair and compassionate justice but not getting back, not revenge, nor seeking to harm the person or kill them. It would be efficient, but most evil, to kill someone to stop them from hurting you unless they were out to kill you, and even then, other means like imprisonment are much more compassionate unless even in jail or with the possibility of escape they are far too dangerous. But those are rare exceptions. Most people can be restrained if not reasoned with, and a fair deal can be reasoned with if you come with open palms and reasonable rather than aggressive and violent. However of course they are truly malevolent and no reasoning will change them, only stopping them via restraint, injury or death will put a permanent stop to them threatening your life.
Problem is many of us let our emotions go out of control (including myself), and some of us just because we have such dark, hateful or unforgiving hearts, go past protection and justice and into revenge and vindictiveness which is wrong and usually can be realized by being completely out of proportion to the conflict. Know this difference and avoid vindictiveness and revenge like the plague. Try not to condemn, critize and accuse but express your own feelings in non-violent conflicts and encourage others to do the same, in violent conflicts try to diffuse and defend yourself as necessary but not excessively if can be helped.
It is love for yourself and the people who care about you to defend and prepare yourself, it would be most foolish to allow or encourage yourself to be hurt, such as walking along lonely dark streets alone, especially in dangerous neighbourhood, or going someplace where they have been problems or having sex with many partners. And it is love not to go looking for such trouble by doing such foolishness. Be wise, the best defense is prevention. However you cannot prevent everything and sometimes if something is truly important enough/helps someone enough to take a risk then OK, but minimize it still. Weight it. e.g. Love for someone who also values their own life and yours more than say, a murderer (who has no value or respect for your life) e.g. Getting your friend out of a dangerous place/situation, but don't dillydally there, limit your exposure.
Now honesty. Many people see it as not lying (and thus doing love by not hurting/deceiving). But it's more than that.
It's about if you don't like something someone does to you you say it to them politely but frankly, you don't hold it in until you explode or play games or hurt the person back. None of those are love, they all hurt others and yourself in the end. Be honest and don't let any woman or man mentally terrorize you by threatening to leave etc. or let terrorize yourself into abuse by feeling you "need" this person and fear losing them. If they love you they will understand and respect you and you should them, if they don't then why have someone who doesn't really value you around? Don't tolerate it unless they are wiling to obey your rules of respect WHILE AROUND YOU. I add that because it is not right to try to take away someone's free will either and force your rules on them, although you may advise out of love, ultimately they have to make they're own choices and should be able to have different rules to you, but remember it's always your choice to be around someone or not and vice versa if you are too different. But while you are in someone's house or place, love should tell you to consider and respect their house rules, or else don't go there, and when they are in your home they should try to do the same, or don't have them. Similarly with your relationships, don't be abused or abuse. Men, women, friends etc. set down your rules of respect and comply or peacefully part company. Of course be compassionate and reasonable.
This is also why if you commit to someone (and sex should be a commitment btw, I mean having a kid from it certainly would, and there's AIDS and God saying it's purpose is for love/commitment) you should and others should respect that commitment. And while I don't certainly don't agree with breaking commitment off in most circumstances, if you are going to be with someone else, break it off upfront, don't go behind his/her back and cheat. Why hurt him/her so? Save that level of hurt. Are you trying to have both? Isn't that selfish? And even if you wanted both, like Old Testament polygamy, why are you not stating so upfront and asking both for commitment? There would be far less hurt knowing upfront and you would give him/her a honest understanding of what you are offering to accept or decline, rather than deceive and hurt him/her.
As for casual sex, I believe that is hurtful to all involved as scripture would describe. But also read this http://www.whosoever.org/Issue7/moral.html and make your decision concerning it. But I firmly believe it is harmful by being devoid of love and just using each other's bodies for selfish and fleeting pleasure, and many times creating destructive, hurtful complications. Emotional and Physical.
On the other hand, sex and affection that expressed love and enhances and reinforces your commitment to one another is a beautiful thing, I love to see that kind of sex and love in shows or anywhere appropriate instead of say, casual slam bang sex, in out machinery with no real purpose and good intent. Not even thoughtful procreation, much less love.
Don't hurt others. Especially not to pleasure yourself.
Help others whenever you reasonably can. Genuinely care. Sacrifice somewhat, but also Help yourself, be joyful and don't be self destructive. That's love.
With anything, ask if it's hurting or helping others and yourself.
Friday, June 23, 2006
God is like light, and evil and Hell is like darkness. Darkness does not really exist on its own, merely it is the lack of light as cold is simply the lack of heat and that is why there is a limit to how cold or dark it can be, but no limit to how hot or bright. Hell and evil are simply the lack of God and we go to Hell when we refuse to have God in us, when we refuse to be with him. When we refuse to know love for others and in doing so love for God. Just like a son who refuses to stop the drugs, to stop hurting his parents, and to refuses to accept their love, help and redemption.
Where their is light, in equal proportion, there can be no darkness. If we truly know love, we truly know Jesus/God who is the Light of the World and we will be with Him in life and death. But know only selfishness and lose love, reject God and the light and I ask what happens when you turn off all light? Darkness. And if we become darkness we obviously can't be with God who, metaphorically, is light. Ultimately we have been given free choice and we choose. Yes we are affected by desires and fail sometimes, I certainly do too, I struggle and I ask you pray for me as I will pray for anyone who asks it, but we can choose in our soul. And say God gave you cards that you are born insane and you cannot make rational choices? I don't believe God will judge you spiritually on those as they weren't really your own, if he did how could that be love? But He will know your soul and your heart and judge on that.
(Isn't someone born with homosexual orientation, who cannot help that a bit similar? For discussion next post.)
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Most people are asking that because they believe the Bible and God explicitly states that homosexuality is a sin and thus homosexuals cannot truly be Christians.
Honestly, I struggled with this as well and due to it tried quite a bit to NOT be homosexual, once I realized what the feelings I was having since 12 or 13 years old were, as of course I want to be moral and because I believe life has meaning (else, logically, why should we as humans exist?) and I believe that meaning comes from God in its purest form. So of course I wanted to please God and fulfill whatever meaning and purpose I have, and if homosexuality was completely against it and would keep me away from God I wanted nothing to do with it. So originally I beat myself up emotionally whenever I felt these feelings towards other men, I truly hated myself and caused much internal damage and had much aggression to others. But I realized quickly this was not leading to a positive place, including contemplating suicide, that whatever else God/Our Creator was, he is love and does not want to see his creations self-destroy or harm others and his plan is for the greatest and ultimate benefit to us. And after all the tears and suffering and praying to God to show me how to stop being homosexual (mind you I didn't ever have sex but that didn't change the face I felt the way I did about men), I opened the Bible and it fell open to Matthew 19, my eyes pulled to 11-12.
Jesus answered, "This teaching does not apply to everyone, but only to those whom God has given it.
For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some, because they were born that way; others because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Let him who can accept this teaching do so."
(I checked many Bibles and later found variations of this concerning eunuchs... Could Jesus have been speaking metaphorically, as he did with parables? Could eunuchs include homosexuals in the Eyes and Word of God?")
What a revelation immediately after praying!
So with these realizations I was comforted, enough with the self-destructive self hate, if I was gay there had to be a good reason for it as well, especially if, as I believe, God made me so. And when I asked myself, by two people loving and committing to one another, with God as their witness, are they doing any harm to anyone? I could not find a single person they were harming, unlike adultery where the other party is hurt horribly or bestiality where the animal has no consent and is used. That changed everything.
If you believe in an Almighty God then you must believe He created everything. Including me. We are all children of God, He loves us all and wants us to be close to Him. And if someone is born smarter, blind, with keen eyes, deaf, or gay, there is a reason for it. We don't get to choose the cards God gives us but we get to decide what we do with them. If He wanted us to obey He could have made us like machines and command us, right now He could. But we "ate from the tree in Eden" and he has given us the gift and curse of Freedom of Choice as well as all his other gifts. Your hand, your genitals, your brain, they can be used for beneficial purpose, for God's purpose, for good, or they can be used for destructive purpose, against God, for evil. Similarly if I was born with a gay brain or with more aggression/passion that a normal person, I can use it to benefit others and do love, God's will, or to harm others or myself and do wrong, against God's will. But God does not make useless creatures, they have a purpose all. So I began the search for mine.
First and foremost, logically
1. How could God make a homosexual man if it was evil?
2. If he could then that would mean he makes people who cannot helped being damned? That certainly goes against scripture and love. He loves and wants to save everyone and anyone can be saved or choose Him and to do His Will. So he wouldn't.
This is probably why many other religious folk believe it's a lie that God makes homosexuals, it has to be a choice. Well, I can say as a living homosexual that certainly not the case, I felt attraction to men since puberty and I still do after the best in psychological and psychiatrical therapy. I still have choice to have sex or not and for 25 years of my life I remained a virgin, choosing to use sex for what I believe is God's purpose, love (which also means commitment), and thus only give that that to someone who I love and commit to and does the same to me.
How many straight people can say that? That they have CHOSEN to remain a virgin till love and commitment, otherwise called marriage? I have. Thus, as homosexual am I so immoral?
Thus the only remaining option he has made me gay or allowed me to genetically develop gay for His purpose, and that purpose must be good.
3. But if that is the case, and he creates homosexual men and women for his good purpose, then how can His Word the Bible say otherwise?
Either it can't and is being misintrepreted (very likely) or something in my logic is flawed and there must be a way to stop being homosexual (quite possible too, but then show me how to stop being at your core [orientation, not sex], homosexual?).
It is this Biblical question that sent me searching and reviewing scripture. And I realize something, if you interpret the Bible purely literally, it may not make sense and if obeying those laws makes you disobey Jesus's and God's Law of Love then you will be doing wrong. Look at people who say "God Hates America" "God Hates Fags" "God Hates You". Something is wrong there. God is love. This will bring me to the next blog tomorrow, but in the meanwhile on the topic of the Bible and homosexuality here are some links to balanced views both ways. Read with an open mind and ask what is love.
P.s: A good man told me recently I had a choice and even if born gay I should have chosen celibacy and "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve; homosexuality is wrong because God commanded us to Go Forth and multiply", but if that command was given to apply to every individual and not mankind in general then man or woman who does not have children is doing evil, all forms of intimacy and sex, e.g. that are demonstrations of love, but does not lead to procreation would be evil / against the command, and wouldn't it also mean celibacy would be against God's teaching and evil? Sickeningly, it would make promiscuity the most moral thing. Do you think that is correct or do you, like me, think the Adam and Steve defense is misguided and that once the human race in general / anyone in the human race is procreating that that command is fulfilled and other individuals can be celebrate or marry as they choose and God gives them the capacity to. Sex is about love and commitment, not just procreation.
The first link below is excellent debating homosexuality in regards to Christianity, both sides, but I must add that while I tend to agree with William Herzog, I believe the Holiness Codes were perhaps given by God to the Jews out of love to make them unique and different from their neighbours and thus draw attention to God, the same way we Christians now do by our behaviors and character of love, hope and faith. The old law has been fulfilled by the new.
Both sides scriptural debate:
One of my favorite articles on Homosexual Morality in general:
Conservative Christians for a Just and Respectful Response to those who experience same-sex attraction:
Welcome to the River In Eden. Hopefully this turns out well as a place where we can all discuss with the purpose of helping each other in all matters, especially of faith.
I am a gay Christian, and I am writing this blog to all people about valuing others and having compassion and love and consideration especially in sexual matters, as well as to speak to other Christians who may doubt a homosexual can struggle to be faithful follower of God and to the gay (and not gay) men and women out there struggling with life. And that's all of us eh? ;)
The core of what I want to say is Love for one another is the greatest thing and the main thing humanity should strive for regardless of religion, and that goes way beyond romantic or sexual or friendship feelings, although it may include or oppose that, but I mean seeking to always do what is beneficial to others first, yourself second and to avoid hurting others and yourself. e.g. Going with someone else you like while already in a commited relationship with someone else would hurt the person you commited to and thus be unloving, selfish and wrong.
Also if you believe in God, I ask that you believe God is love and hope, as the Bible states in 1 John 4:7-8 and 1 John 4:9-10, even if you don't that those are the virtues we should try to have. To Love each other. To do unto others as you would have them do unto you and not the reverse. Also if God is love (consideration, compassion) then if one really does do what is really love you do automatically do God's will and if you really know love (for other people/mankind), you know Him, regardless of any other stated beliefs and differences.
I believe in the Bible (if anyone knows source please tell) there is a passage that goes something like this ;
"If a father feeds his child, clothes his child and educates his child, that child may still not have known love and even with all this things, may have been neglected. But if a father loves his child then because of that love he will provide and fulfill all his child's needs. He will he feed, clothe and educate his child and his child will know love and not be neglected."
This is shows how the Law of Love, that Jesus gave in the New Testament, is supposed to fulfill all other laws of The Old Testament, and he gives us the free will to obey it and Him or not (because does obedience out of force/because you have to really make you good? Or is obedience out of dedicated love more noble? You can see which God wants by Him allowing us the choice to disobey.)
Similarly, no matter what logical ethical rules we may or may not have we may still not do good, but if we truly care for one another, and I mean truly by always considering and doing what is beneficial for others and avoiding hurting others in spite of feelings or circumstance, then we shall truly do good, for God is love and hope. God is not hate and not despair such as that brought by utter condemnation of someone rather than consideration and helping that person. And doing something that is destructive, such as taking all hope away from someone, such as completely condemning a gay person rather than helping them, is not love. In fact, complete condemnation makes some feel it's useless to thus try to be good anymore and can do anything they feel because, after all, you've told them they condemned anyway. I may be completely wrong, but I ask you please consider these words and let us find the beneficial truth together.